Nurturing Joy

I am an obsessive gardener – even tucking out a dry leaf or watering the plants or digging up mud and dirtying myself in it makes me happy. I also am a parent by choice.

Ever since I have had my daughter, there has been a constant tug of war inside me, for time and energy – a pull towards my little balcony garden and a push towards my child’s needs that I committed myself to.  I could resolve this war rather easily when I discovered that there are many synergies between the both…

Both need to be NURTURED and with LOVE after all…

1. MILESTONES are for US and NOT for THEM. The moment you have a baby you get a doctor’s file with a chart showing the milestones that the baby must meet in the coming months and years. And we too use all our energies in ensuring that they are met or fret over it if they are late compared to contemporary kids. 

The same is true for plants in the garden. I have seen many enthusiasts ask the plant nursery owner even before buying “Will this bloom, by when?”, “Does this get infected easily by worms?”.  It is like someone asking us “Will you be healthy next year around this time?” or, “will you learn 3 new things in next 6 months?”!! That seems weird, right?

We must remember that we are dealing with life and not with machines – If we don’t exhibit predictable behavior ourselves, how can babies or saplings? They too get affected by the environment, by people around and most importantly the way they are nurtured.

These milestones are best left to Nature. As the nurturer/ parent, I am sure we get signals in advance if we are doing our job well and yet there’s a problem.

2. PATIENCE is the biggest VIRTUE.  Every parent will admit that they have spent hours in feeding a toddler or in putting an infant to sleep, or trying to teach them something for a school exam.

Similarly, I have spent months and sometimes a couple of years watching my sapling grow before it blooms or, fruits. Even a creeper that readily grows in even adverse conditions, didn’t take to my wall before 2 years.

But when finally the eyes see what they are yearning for, it is a pleasure par heaven! And many a times when I was about to just give up hope, that little bud popped out or a seed sprouted into a sapling or, my little daughter responded to my physical commands (she has not yet learnt to speak) and acknowledged with a smile. I then say to myself “I am not sure if I deserve this victory but I should have not lost my patience so easily…”

3.  INNOCENCE makes them BEAUTIFUL.  Plants potted in soil are the most meek and passive living beings that one can come across. The pots can be moved around, watered more or less without understanding their needs, they may have space or sunlight lesser than they need , but they NEVER COMPLAIN. Even if the leaves are drooping, the day you water them they bounce back to life only showing gratitude that you realised their need/ pain. That is why every time I look at the patch of green in my balcony, I know that the peace and beauty it lends my mind, far outweighs the trouble I take for them.

Again, we must be grateful for the fact that right from the way they are born to the school they are put in, they are completely at our mercy.  With my daughter, there are umpteen moments in a day when she bears pain or discomfort because of the people handling her (particularly me) and expresses either meekly or nothing at all. And the moment she is relieved of that pain (just in case we manage to identify the root cause),comes her spontaneous and magical smile. Simply makes my day!

4. HARD WORK BRINGS JOY. Nothing comes free in this world and particularly those things that are beautiful. Parenting is absolute bliss but not without the mess of a toddler that a parent must clean up or, those school projects that the parent must complete or the lunch box for school that must be prepared whether the child eats it or not. Yet there’s no one on the planet who understands YOU better than your OWN child, there’s no one else who will FORGIVE you with a clean heart despite the restrictions you impose on them.

I love dirtying myself in soil and cow dung manure because I know the bounty that it will yield the plants in the next few weeks. Not just me it lends peace and joy to whosoever looks at them. If I don’t find time to clip off that old shoot hanging out from the windowsill or, the balcony grills, I keep thinking about it until I clean them up. The live ones do share their gratitude by quickly taking over that space by new green foliage.

5. LIFE LIKES SUNSHINE AND HAPPINESS. My little one always has her foot outside home even when she couldn’t walk. It doesn’t matter how clean or dirty the place is, or where she might get hurt or infected. She always wants to be under the sky…with people, with life and even with my plants in our balcony. Home means boundaries to her zest.

Needless to say, plants too love sunshine, not just for photosynthesis but for the limitless energy that it gives them. Even in an open balcony, one can see that a shoot will sneak out through the grills and grow disproportionately in the direction of sun rays coming in. Botanists call it ‘phototropism’, I call it ‘Happiness-tropism’! J