What are we made up of?

The age old saying goes 'Wealth is lost, nothing is lost. Health is lost, something is lost. Character is lost, everything is lost.'

While most people in this universe agree with this saying, the way they see it is different for most people. The world stage offers such a fast changing panorama of diverse cultures, times and beliefs that 'character' can truly not have a universal definition.

To me, character is a building block of our very existence – something that embodies our body and mind, something that is unique to every individual, something that defines our complete well-being, something that 'characterizes' us.

Again, going by the definition of health in the NCERT text book in school– 'Health is a state of complete physical and mental well-being', I feel Character also includes health in its realm.

So, just a simple sentence 'I am not feeling well' also reflects character – how much pain you can take, what makes you feel uneasy, how you behave when you are not so comfortable from within and when and where would you express this uneasiness. It tells the 'strength' of your character.

Under this premise, the measurement or realization of character is also quite subjective and based on qualitative parameters rather than quantitative parameters. You cannot rate someone on honesty, integrity, purity etc based on your scale. There's no standard metric. Your '5' can be someone else's '1'.

In view of my experiences and to the best of my knowledge and belief, the only unanimous definition of character could plausibly be – the measure of truth that you hold inside, the measure of truth that you offer and owe to yourself and to others. This measure alone invokes a faith which can be termed as character. In whatever capacity or capability, in whichever times or context, with whosoever, in howsoever manner if an individual can deliver truth, he is of 'good' character else of 'bad or low' character.

The measure of this 'truth' that I call 'the character' is easier explained than achieved. More often than not, we do not realize that somewhere deep within we are lying to ourselves. The reasons that govern this 'untruth' are beyond the scope of this discussion though. The higher the degree of 'untruth', the higher the restlessness to pose as someone else rather than ourselves, the higher the degree of uneasiness or discomfort with ourselves, with others and with the environment  overall, the higher the degree of doubt and fear. And that gradually diminishes the strength of your character – it takes character to live a good life, it takes character to love or make a friend, it takes character to be honest, it takes character to be brave amidst adversities, it takes character to earn money, it takes character to be knowledgeable, it takes character to be respectful of oneself and others, it takes character to live with a mind without fear and head held high.

And all this cannot be misconstrued by just the physical manifestation of someone's existence or a momentary behavior or reactions towards specific people or behavior in specific situations.

Character building starts the moment we are born – they say all babies too behave differently. But most of it is acquired as we grow up – I am not too sure where but somewhere both in our body and mind. It is like a perennial tree that takes years to grow but is green across seasons and once old enough entrenches its roots deep within.  Character building probably ends when we breathe our last. I chanced upon someone who refused to take any help even when he approached his death bed – he felt it was unfair to the others physically and emotionally. Even the last few words one utters before death is driven by character.

Being physically healthy or rather slim is 'cool' these days. Whether they believe in it or not, they join a gym or attend yoga classes or go for a walk. While it is very important, it is equally important to train our minds day-on-day. Most of us do not unfortunately have a regular exercise regime for the mind. Actually, I would call it 'building the character'. If you are of strong character, your will power (strength of mind) and your depth of emotions would keep you afloat even when your body is not supporting you. The body is housed in the character (like I stated earlier), so it gets taken care of.

Unfortunately, there are no lessons or coaching classes available on character building – it is eventual and can come only with a rigorous application of the body and the mind voluntarily – reading, writing, meeting people are good instruments for me as it exposes me to the elements of a good/strong character in the world elsewhere and makes me aspire to build it in. I am sure there is a multitude of options available; given what elements of character you already have or do not have. Like I said, 'the measure of the truth we owe and offer to ourselves and others' is the only definition of character. The more is that sense of truth, the stronger is your character. It is just important that we build it and work continuously towards it so that it is strong enough to protect our body and mind (since it embodies both) until we die.

When you are of good character, you will never doubt anyone else's. You will be secure about yourself, you will be confident about your capabilities, you would be clear at heart and will be a host to positive emotions, in all, you will be happier.

It is tiresome, but it is worth it!

IIT/IIM syndrome...

Coming from Bokaro, I have been very close to the IIT/IIM aspiration of the country...to an extent that anybody who didn't get through was considered as being useless!
It has been a much discussed question - What makes these IIT or IIM graduates so ..., ..., ....? These attributes are both good and bad.
I have heard people saying that they are very snobbish, think too high of themselves, get too much of attention etc. Except for in the matrimony market, where I too feel they are over valued and their degrees should not be weighed against the respect of a woman; I believe, they deserve to be proud of what they are. The logic is simple. But to understand that, one needs to have sat through the IIT-JEE and the CAT.
I have taken both and therefore, I know that it's sheer intellectual masturbation that one goes through those hours of examination! Your vital cause of existence changes, it's a life changing experience which can put you inside or throw you outside one of those revered campuses. Once you have raised yourself to that level, you ought to be different and better be one! The world looks upto you, not without any reason. Once you join the majestic Indian Institute of Technology/Management, the bar is raised, so you further strive for excellence. And even if you are not the best on campus, life there takes you to a different level altogether. And then the common man cannot question - 'Why do they get paid so highly?'. Because in many cases, the common man will not have the intelligence to understand even that.
Even otherwise, if one bothers to read through some statistics of the enormous number of living beings in India who take these exams, and the amount of time & money that they spend in coaching themselves, you would realise that for most, this dream is larger than life. It's not mere education that happens at these campuses, your ability to live a good life gets shaped. I can confidently say so because I have been close to many such souls. For some, I thought it was madness, for others, it was brilliance! I have seen them withdraw from the rest of the world for more than 2 years sometimes, and the only thing that drives them there is their dream!

Though, many of them, with utter humility say that it's just one amongst others, I refuse to believe so... Professionally, they ought to stand apart by every measure and most of them, that I know, do.

Hence, it pains to see the ramifications of the government regulations in favour of the so-called lower castes. I don't know what to call it..but the country is certainly heading for a conscious suicide by doing so... If the gold is not pure and of good quality, polishing wouldn't ever help. Somebody who has never won a state level game, can't head for the Olympics, right?? If only I could do something more than protesting against it! I can only pray that those who enter those gates by virtue of caste and not of merit, may please realise that they are getting that seat by displacing many deserving candidates and hence they better work really hard towards delivering an equally sound future for the country.

I forgot to mention above that the Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore also stands in the same league of pride & prejudice and is internationally one of the best for science graduates who wish to pursue research.

Grow up Baby!!!

If I can, anybody can... This is something I have felt and said several times over. Sounds Modest??? Maybe yes, maybe not! Sounds assertive??? Certainly yes... If it doesn't, I intend it to be so. Plainly because I am not talking about any difficult things in life. I believe firmly that every individual by virtue of 16-18 years of training and education, should 'at least' learn to manage one ownself. Though I am not trained to preach on this subject but my repeated observations have confirmed my convictions.

Can anyone tell me why working women essentially need a father or husband to manage their savings, investments etc? I think it's a simpler job to save and invest than to earn. If they are educated enough to learn the latter, they might as well be taught the former. Most women, when it comes to taking key decisions in their lives like change in job, change in location, travelling somewhere will have to depend on a MAAAAN! Ah..if they can go out & buy clothes & shoes for themselves, they might as well decide the more important things. Not that I haven't met women who are independent in every sense of the word... but atleast, the Indian way of training women does not support this mental accomplishment that I am talking about.

Even the fact that women are not allowed to go out alone in unsafe places or at odd hours, travel alone etc... is rather discouraging. When a girl is sent out for studies or for work, it's implied that they are confronting everything outside home..people, places, objects! And they could be secure or insecure for them. So, I insist that they better be taught how to defend themselves in adverse situations and apply their minds to sustain their lives outside home rather than disabling them with a male escort all their lives.

Funnily enough, some women can't even buy their own 'critical' garments and accesories! [I hope you got it! I didn't want to use that term here. I am keen to convey the message than make it a piece of slapstick humour]. "Mummy-papa khareed layenge!" {"kyon behen? ;-) apni chheezein khareedne me kaun si sharam?!!"}

Coming over to the more physically powerful gender, I have noticed some men with ... habits. [I really don't have words to qualify this habit] Why on earth can they not wash their 'critical' garments themselves? To some of you, it might appear wry or sarcastic but I really mean it. Why should women, in any capacity, (mother or wife) bear the brunt of smelling and touching those apparels that have adorned the key parts of his mortal self? I simply refuse to accept any justification/argument for the same. :-( Some can't even or can, but would not iron their own clothes. Paid and getting it done is fine but otherwise, I feel it's so crude and offensive for the one who does it. Men expecting women to serve food on the table as soon as they come back from work, or needing a wife or a mother to find out their clothes when they are getting late for office, college... The root of all these problems are the same! Lack of training as an individual! I have even heard men accepting the fact that they can cook well but they want a wife in the house to take care of his food requirements! For them, I'd like to say it's available paid..It's unfair to get it done for free!

There are many more such examples but I would like the message to be stronger than the humour in the stories. And, I would sincerely beg to differ with those who misconstrue it as a feminism/chauvinism issue! It's certainly an individualism issue... That's why I gave examples of both genders to elucidate my point of view.

Also, some people might say that in few of these examples that I gave, love/affection/warmth/blah...blah does play a role. I wouldn't deny either..But seeking help/advice/pampering oneself for some time is one thing and taking things for granted on a daily basis is another! Clearly, I object the later!

I always feel that when you are taught how to live, you should be taught all aspects of it that is essential for you to live and that too, very clearly. Unfortunately, I have met some people who refute the issue saying that what's the harm if someone who's free or is willing can do it for them and doesn't forcibly get it done. For them, I'd say learn to value other's efforts and time as much as you do yours! Taking help/advice is one thing and never learning to do something for all your life, is like being handicapped!

Well now that you have had eough of my gyaan, post your comments :-) Remember not to get into anyone's personal space and talk about it as a subject in general.

Written on a day when I was still with working with my previous employer...

This sunny morning, I left home for office, conveniently hired an auto rickshaw to the nearest bus stop & the cool breeze that blew by though made me feel very sleepy, had a distinct goodness in it that pushed me into a world of 'good' thoughts. Going to office doesn't usually lead me to such good things in life, so I found the breeze encouraging.

Just as I delved into thinking 'good & beautiful', I was interrupted abruptly & bizzarely by a gentleman blowing his nose mightily & noisily on the footpath across the lane, followed by a hearty spit... Following this, his face looked as bright as the sunny morning! I know, many Indians are still not privileged enough to own a decent living space & a healthy sanitary system but it pains when so called 'civilised' people exhibit the dirtiness of their mind. The 'not-so-gentleman' above was of the latter category.
Another incident that tickled my funny bone was when I was strolling down marine drive, one of the most beautiful places in Bombay with a cup of masala-butter-lemon corn, an awesome snack & held the empty cup for a while due to lack of a dustbin nearby. In a few minutes, I found one & just when my hand reached out to the bin, a strange remark hit my ears. An observant onlooker commented "kya aadarsh naagrik ki tarah dustbin dhoond rahi hai!!"

On many other occassions, have I seen parents handholding the process of learning of their children in the art of bestowing Mother Nature with packets of Ruffles lays ['No one can throw just one!'] , chocolate wrappers, or anything that spoils the look of their neatly done 'Weekender kids' dress.
The gentlemen who smoke away their blues also find it very convenient to dipose the butts on green grass, a railway platform, on the road...They wouldn't be carrying much weight if they carry a pack of butts along till they reach a dustbin!
I remember a witty reply of our reverand ex-President of India, APJ Abdul Kalaam, in this context. When told to him that roads & surroundings are so clean & organised in countries abroad, he said "that's because you smoke only in a smoking zone there & you are not allowed to spill waste & disposables anywhere on the public place." So it depends on us, whether we decide to dirty our surroundings alone or clean it as well. If we feel too low to clean it, then we shouldn't be feeling very high in dirtying it either!!
The illeterate & poor people who probably dont have a place to stay cannot be expected to do their best in this regard but atleast this category of people alone contribute to cleaning of the streets early in the morning & emptying our domestic bins! I wouldn't shift the blame on the municipal corporations as well as against socio-political corruption, atleast in urban areas, I have seen those vehicles loaded every morning with the filth in our houses & disposing in the appropriate place.
This blog doesn't mean that I am not tempted to dispose stuff 'anywhere & everywhere' but the moment somebody else doing it irks me, I resist my temptations..:-)
I feel, I am trying to implement one of the first few lessons taught to us as a child but I suppose, it's been so many years being a child that we tend to forget..:-D